The (awkward) girl behind the mic
Meet your new Safe Word, Tera Vee
It feels weird when things get uncomfortable. There is a sense of worry that if you start talking about the things that people don't talk about, they will judge you. Make fun of you. Maybe make you feel wrong somehow. But when we push past those comfort zones and let ourselves cozy up to the uncomfortableness of it all, we start to realize we are not alone. And that all these years of worry, shame, embarrassment...all of it was for nothing. We could have been leaning on each other and not feeling so alone, because we ALL have some uncomfortable stuff inside of us. We ALL are going through it.
I'm pretty weird.
I'm the first to admit, I can be a little weird at times. I have always liked doing things my own way; following the rules, but not quite following the rules. When I began creating adult content it felt like I was being smacked in the face with my own weirdness. I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere. I would get frustrated that I could not grow my social media following like other girls were. And then I realized, it was because I wasn't fitting into the mold. Sure, I show off my body in lingerie and flaunt my cleavage, but I also cry on my Instagram stories, I post outtake photos that make me look hideous, and I bring you into my world, even when it is sometimes uncomfortable to do so. When I would try to hide my weird, fit better into that mold, in the hopes that I could grow my numbers, I would quickly lose interest in creating. And so the decision was quickly made. I like being weird. I am ok if that hinders my growth, because I know that the people that do choose to join me on my journey are embracing me FOR my weirdness. Ok, Ok, I am sure the lingerie may be a factor in some people sticking around, but I continue to tell myself they love me because I am weird. Don't ruin that fantasy for me.
I'm pretty real.
I have a hard time taking myself seriously. If you ask Wendy my therapist, I am sure she would tell you it is a defense mechanism to avoid the harder feelings I have. She's probably right. She also would probably say I am doing it right now. I'm ok with it if you're ok with it.
I have realized that I have an ability to share my stories in a way that feels relatable, that makes the uncomfortable stuff somehow a bit more approachable. In full disclosure, most of the time I feel like a complete and total fraud sitting in front of the mic. Yet somehow, you continue to message me, telling me that I hit a nerve. That I found something in your dark corners that you suddenly feel a bit less alone about. I only know how to be me. To be real. And so that means sometime I cry in front of the mic, I embarrass myself, I share things that feel, dare I say, UNCOMFORTABLE. But I know that is how we push past all those rotten stigmas in the world. We need to see it. Hear it. Feel it. The more we can discuss that hard stuff, the more we can lean on each other. So yup. Sometimes it gets a little uncomfy. I definitely don't hide behind any pretenses. I'm just sitting over here trying to be your new favorite safe word.